Kings and Queens
by thenextadventure
Summary: "We are the kings and queens of promise. We are the victims of ourselves." Quinn has a hard time adjusting at Yale and takes the train to New York for the weekend. She needs to face her demons and learn to forgive herself if she can move on with her life. Rachel is the one person to always help her with that. This will be set-up followed by some drabble chapters for fluff and fun
1. Hello, Hello

Hey everyone. I'm not new to the fanfiction game, but it's been a really long time. I've been getting back into it as a way to unwind and work my way back into writing again. So here I am with a brand new account! This chapter is a lot of set-up so I have room to play in the future, though I don't know how often I'll be updating.

Disclaimer: I've only seen the first 3 seasons of Glee, but I know some gists of what went down. So this will be slightly AU.

Disclaimer #2: If I owned Glee, Faberry would have been endgame and Quinn's character would not have been destroyed by poor writing.

* * *

 _If you wanna talk, we can talk in the morning_

 _I don't even know what you're trying to say, and_

 _If you want to change, change for the better_

 _I don't even know just who you are_

"Are you picking me up, or…?" Quinn let her question trail off and waited for Santana's answer, unsure what the plans were. All she knew was that she had decided last minute to get out of New Haven for the weekend and her friends in New York had graciously offered their apartment as her escape. Quinn had thought that moving far away from Lima, Ohio and everyone she had ever known would be the best thing she'd ever done, but she found herself lonely and homesick after a few weeks. So now she sat on a train to NY, stomach still churning.

"Nah, I have to work. Berry will be there to get you. What time are you getting in?" was her friend's response.

Quinn felt her already uneasy stomach flip-flop. She knew that she would be seeing Rachel Berry this weekend, of course, but she had figured it would always be with other people around. The idea of seeing Rachel's smiling face as soon as she stepped off the train was almost overwhelming. She'd had no time to prepare herself, to put on her "Everything is fine" face. Santana must have noticed the loaded silence because she asked her friend what was wrong.

"Nothing," Quinn lied. "Nothing, I'm sorry. I've just been really stressed and worn out lately."

Quinn pulled into Penn Station with a squeal of the breaks and a heavy sigh. Tossing her duffel bag over her shoulder, she set her jaw and joined the crowd filing off the train.

Despite her short stature, Rachel wasn't very hard to find. She smiled shyly but warmly up at Quinn when they made eye contact and they each took an instinctive step towards each other before hesitation set in. Rachel sort of raised her arms to hug Quinn at the same time that Quinn bit her lip and looked away. They laughed at their awkward back-and-forth and both went in for a hug with more conviction.

"Hey!" Rachel squealed excitedly. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Yeah, thanks for having me," Quinn replied. She shuffled her feet, hitching her bag up her shoulder. "Um, how have you been?"

"I'm doing well." They fell into step beside each other and made their way out of the bustling station. "Work is exhausting and school is ten times worse, but it will all pay off in the end. How are you? I haven't really heard from you much since graduation."

"I'm…okay. Being on my own is harder than I thought. I wasn't sure about coming when Santana invited me to the city for the weekend, but I needed to get away for a bit."

As they stepped out into the bright New York sunshine, Rachel announced that it was too nice to go straight back to the apartment. Since all Quinn had to carry was her duffel bag containing a few changes of clothes, they decided to go for a walk instead. It felt strange for both of them to be wandering around on their own, but not necessarily uncomfortable. They walked a few blocks up and over, carefully avoiding the tourists in Times Square, and settled in at Bryant Park. Quinn waited at a small green table while Rachel ordered coffees from a kiosk.

Quinn took the moment of solitude to try to pull herself together. She always felt this way when she was around Rachel, and worse when they were alone. Her heart constricted painfully in her chest and her stomach seemed to turn itself inside out. Her friendship with Rachel, uneasy and awkward though it may be, was one of the things she cherished most. But the guilt she felt whenever she looked at the small brunette was almost enough to make Quinn want to avoid Rachel at all costs. She never felt so happy and simultaneously so sad as when she was with Rachel.

Rachel returned moments later, setting a caramel macchiato in front of Quinn. She smiled at her.

"How did you know this was my favorite?" Quinn asked.

"I have an excellent memory… Actually it was just a really good guess. I realized when I got over there that I hadn't asked for your order and I was too proud to come crawling back." They both laughed openly and easily. Quinn took a sip of her coffee, feeling herself relax into the chair across from Rachel.

For a few minutes, they sat in comfortable silence, scanning the park for interesting characters to watch while sipping their coffees. Before long Quinn's eyes returned to Rachel. She took in the soft slopes of her features, the gentle waves of her dark hair. She noticed that Rachel was biting her lip ever so slightly and continuously flexing her fingers; she was just as nervous to be here with Quinn as Quinn was to be with her.

"Rachel," Quinn called softly. The girl in question jumped at the sound of her name, turning to Quinn with a vulnerability in her warm eyes.

"Yes?"

"It's… It's good to see you." Rachel let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and smiled brightly at Quinn.

"It's lovely to see you too, Quinn," she said. Quinn smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. There was so much sadness in her gaze. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Quinn answered immediately. She quickly dropped her eyes to the table, breaking the trance-like stare she had held with Rachel. She took a breath and whispered the truth: "No."

Rachel's small hands reached across the table to cover Quinn's. Quinn just had time to notice how impossibly soft Rachel's touch was before she pulled her hands away. She looked up at Rachel, straight into her worried eyes.

"Rachel, why are you friends with me?" Everything was still and silent for a moment. Whatever Rachel had expected Quinn to say, it wasn't that. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Moving to New Haven and knowing absolutely no one and having to start over and make friends, it's made me miss the people I had back in Lima. And you."

Rachel leaned back in her chair, chewing the inside of her cheek and carefully measuring out her words.

"We're friends because," she began. "I care about you, Quinn. And I like spending time with you. We hardly ever do, but you are fun to be around. You're caring and protective. Sweet and funny. I like you, and I like being friends with you."

"Rach, I really like being friends with you, too." Rachel's chest tightened at the sound of a nickname falling from Quinn's lips. Quinn took a deep breath. There was so much more she wanted to say, but she was finding it hard to speak for the lump in her throat. Rachel waited patiently, but no more words came.

"Quinn, what's wrong?" Quinn closed her eyes tight, and when she opened them again a few stray tears leaked out. She wiped them away, apologizing almost angrily. This was not how she wanted the day to go, and it exactly why she was hesitant about using her rail pass in the first place.

"I really like being friends with you, but I feel like I don't deserve you. I know I don't. Not after everything I've done." Quinn was struggling hard to remain in control now. "You've never even asked for an explanation. You're just so forgiving."

Rachel was quiet for a long time. She cradled her coffee between her hands, staring at the lid without really seeing it. When she spoke, it was in the detached tone of someone searching for the right words. Rachel Berry never found herself as speechless as she was around Quinn.

"I don't need an explanation, or even an apology," she finally said. Quinn focused on keeping her breathing even as she hung to every word Rachel said. "I can see it for what it was. We were kids. You weren't the first person to ever bully me and you certainly won't be the last. But with you, I could always see through it, and I always…"

Rachel didn't finish her sentence. It hung between them, heavy with the sound of unspoken feelings. Quinn longed for her to continue. In her mind, she begged Rachel to say the words she hoped to hear, the validation she craved. But instead Rachel just seemed to shake herself off and take a sip of her coffee.

"Anyway, it's in the past," she said definitively. "We've become friends and I like it much better this way."

Quinn nodded, wiping her eyes dry. With one clear of her throat and a toss of her hair, she turned off the turmoil of feelings and changed the subject to Rachel's classes at NYADA. She listened to the other girl's happy babble with a smile on her face and a familiar ache in her heart.

* * *

"Are we going to talk about it?" Santana asked. Her voice was firm, but caring. Quinn rubbed her sleep-deprived eyes. She had just stumbled out of Santana's bedroom, which she was sharing with the Latina for the weekend.

"Talk about what?" she tried. Santana threw a glance at the closed bathroom door where Rachel was in the shower.

"About how you spent half the night crying into my favorite pillow."

Quinn followed her friend's earlier gaze and checked the bathroom door. Rachel was still in the shower, singing loudly to the joy/displeasure of all the neighbors. Quinn smiled subconsciously. Santana sighed and stood up from her seat at the kitchen table.

"I'll get you a towel," she said, placing a comforting hand on Quinn's shoulder as she passed. "You can take the next shower."

 _If you're gonna lie, you better lie a little better_

 _I can still see who you are inside_

 _If you want to change, change for the better_

 _I don't even know just who are_

* * *

Song credits: "Hello, Hello" by Thomas Wesley Stern.  
They're a local band near where I live and I highly recommend taking a listen to some of their music.


	2. Little Pieces

Hey all! I've decided to stretch this out a bit more because I'm having so much fun. Thank you for your support. Much love x

Disclaimer: The regular rules apply, but remember things will be AU because I don't know nor do I care to look up the details of canon.

* * *

 _Though you try your best you never find_  
 _There are pieces that are left behind_  
 _Last piece of the jigsaw_  
 _While the others are scattered across the floor_  
 _So you try to get them all up_  
 _There are pieces falling in the dust_

Quinn quickly developed a love for New York City. She had been there before, sure, but she hadn't understood the I3NY mentality until she spent the day in the city with Santana, her girlfriend Dani, Kurt, and Rachel. By the end of the day she was humming Frank Sinatra and rooting for the Yankees.

She loved the anonymity of the populated city. Not the crowds-no, those she hated, except for the moments when Rachel would instinctively reach for her hand so they wouldn't get separated as they crossed 7th Ave. She loved that she was never alone but still on her own. She loved that she could sit in the park and watch all the people around her while still being lost in her thoughts. And mostly she loved that she had great friends beside her who showed her this beautiful city and left her to fall in love with it.

"I love Central Park," Rachel was saying as they walked side-by-side through the park. Kurt stood on Rachel's other side while Santana and Dani led the way.

"Everyone loves Central Park," Kurt admonished playfully. Rachel laughed.

"I know, it's horribly cliché," she conceded. "But it is so magical! One minute you're walking along the city street with the tall buildings and the never-ending traffic, and the next you're lost in this green wonderland with rolling hills and running trails, a lake, a castle! You have to admit that there is something fantastic about that."

Quinn let Kurt and Rachel's banter fade into the background noise of birds and bike pedals. Ahead of them, Santana and Dani were engaged in a slightly more serious argument.

"I knew we shouldn't have tried to cut through the park!" Dani exclaimed, clearly frustrated as she studied a map on her phone. "We always think it'll be a quick cut through, and we're always wrong. We're like mice with cheese; we just keep falling for it!"

"So where are we actually?" Santana asked.

"I have no idea! The road we've been following has been curving so much I've completely lost my sense of direction."

They did finally emerge from the "magical" park, but they found that they were on the wrong end. Santana and Dani looked like they were about to start snapping again, but Quinn just laughed it off. She was feeling so light and happy that nothing could bother her, not even when their plans to go to the museum changed because they walked the wrong way for so long.

Their guest's bright mood lifted everyone else's spirits as well. At dinner that night, Santana and Dani were back to sharing smiles over the table and probably exploring with their hands under the table. This rekindling led to Dani staying the night at the loft and Quinn being booted to the couch.

"Q, I love you, but I need my lady lovin' too," Santana explained with a shrug. Quinn rolled her eyes and smirked back at her friend.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked. Quinn jumped, not having heard her come in the room. She had disappeared shortly after returning to the apartment to kick off her shoes and put her things away. Quinn looked up at her, so beautiful in her comfort.

"It seems Santana is sharing her bed with a different lady tonight," Quinn said. She pointed to the pillows she'd been setting up on the couch. "I've been relocated."

"Absolutely not," Rachel said at once. "That couch will give you the worst backache you've ever had. A hunch would be very unbecoming on a pretty girl such as yourself. Think of your dance career!"

"I don't have a dance career," Quinn chuckled.

"And you never will if you stay out here. You can sleep in my room."

Quinn hesitated, her stomach clenched. Of course she wanted to sleep in Rachel's room. Her heart fluttered at the very thought of it. But her head was sending red flags.

On the one hand, it would be more than nice to sleep with Rachel's warmth beside her. She would love to wake up with brunette hair tickling her cheek. But on the other hand, she hadn't even fully come to terms with whatever it was she was feeling toward Rachel. She certainly hadn't admitted to these feelings, or discussed them with Rachel. Wouldn't it be false pretenses to accept an offer to share Rachel's bed without the other knowing how thrilled the idea made her?

It took a quick argument involving pouting, pleading, and downright threatening on Rachel's end. Quinn blamed her weak resolve for the fact that she did, ultimately, lose the argument. She moved her things with a huff, thanking Rachel a bit more curtly than she had meant to. She was mostly annoyed with herself for giving in.

Perhaps that was why, a minute later, both Quinn and Rachel began to apologize at the exact moment that Rachel entered her room. They both froze mid-sentence, laughed awkwardly, and waited for the other to continue. Quinn gave Rachel a slight nod.

"I'm sorry if you feel like I forced you into sleeping in my room," Rachel began. "I know I can be quite bossy, but if you really don't want to-"

"No, Rach. It's okay. I was just being a stubborn house guest. I'm sorry." Quinn offered a reassuring smile that Rachel reciprocated a moment later.

"Okay. I'm going to go get ready for bed. Please, make yourself comfortable."

Quinn did try to get comfortable, but she felt so unbelievably nervous as she paced Rachel's room. She couldn't figure out why she felt this way, what chemical imbalance in her brain made her feel this way. Or maybe she did, but she didn't want to confront the notion. Surely it would just make things worse.

When Rachel returned, face washed, teeth brushed, pajamas donned, Quinn quickly and quietly excused herself to do the same. Except that a minor panic attack kept her locked in the bathroom much longer than Rachel had been gone. She gripped the edge of the sink with all her might, chest pounding, lungs begging for air that she could not quite swallow. Her trembling knees could not support her any longer and she fell hard onto the cold tile, positive that she had bruised her thigh upon landing.

"Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, lavender's green," she choked out, still gasping for breath.

She curled her knees into her chest and cradled her head, squeezing her eyes shut and forcing herself to sing. The words became easier the longer she sang. When she finally reached the last line, her breathing had returned to normal and her muscles had unclenched.

She leaned back against the wall, giving herself a minute to recuperate and to berate herself. She'd been having these attacks relatively often lately, but she had been having such a good day and she was angry at herself for ruining it with what she dubbed "stupid fucking anxiety."

When she finally emerged, pale-faced and red-eyed despite the makeup she had reapplied to conceal it, Quinn found Rachel pacing the length of the hall. The singer was twisting the knuckle of her ring finger. Quinn recognized the old habit; Rachel did it whenever she was thinking hard or worried about something. Rachel turned sharply at the end of her path and caught sight of Quinn. She breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Are you okay?" she asked hurriedly. She stepped instinctively towards Quinn but stopped short halfway to the blonde. She looked Quinn up and down and her eyes grew wider with worry. "I heard-I heard a crash and...singing."

"Lavender's Blue," Quinn admitted softly. She stared resolutely at her own feet, unable to meet Rachel's concerned gaze. "It calms me down."

Quinn felt the warm touch of Rachel's hand on her arm.

"I didn't know that," Rachel whispered.

Hazel eyes met brown eyes.

"There's a lot you don't know about me."

With the help of Rachel's guiding hand, the girls made their way back into Rachel's room. Suddenly exhausted, Quinn couldn't wait to crawl under the duvet and fall asleep. But the second she collapsed onto the bed she shot up again with a hiss of pain.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, half in a panic. Quinn just laughed and twisted her body to look down at her leg.

"I bruised my ass."

After a beat, Rachel laughed too. She reached across the bed and pulled Quinn backwards so that she toppled over with a shriek of surprise. Rachel wrapped her arm around Quinn's waist and pressed her forehead into Quinn's shoulder blade.

"I'm going to have to keep a better eye on you," she announced. Quinn felt her heart beating so hard that she was surprised it didn't jump out of her chest. Or was that Rachel's heartbeat against her back?

3am found the two girls laying side-by-side, staring at the ceiling but talking to each other. Quinn told Rachel about her panic attack and how she'd been having them more frequently. Rachel told Quinn about throwing up before every class with her crazy dance instructor. Quinn confessed to having zero interest in her major and how she was only ever excited for her drama class. Rachel confessed:

"I've never done this before."

Quinn propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at Rachel. She looked remarkably young and vulnerable laying there with her heart open in the middle of the night, no makeup, no outlandish outfit. This was a totally different side to Rachel, and the thought briefly passed through Quinn's mind that she wanted to spend every night with her.

"Done what?" she questioned, her voice soft in the calm night atmosphere.

"I've never had a sleepover before," Rachel replied. "I've never had a best friend to talk to about things in the middle of the night. I never missed it, but now I feel cheated. This is nice."

"Oh, we're best friends now?" Quinn teased. Rachel grinned cheekily up at her.

"Kind of."

Quinn let out a tired laugh and fell back into the mattress. She was facing Rachel but could barely make out her figure in the darkness. Reaching out experimentally, she brushed Rachel's fingertips with her own under the covers. She licked her lips.

"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked. She heard rather than saw Rachel turn her head towards her. They were inches away. "I've never done this before either."

 _There's a pile of ash we don't need_  
 _Leave it to be taken upon the breeze_  
 _Wind is always blowing_

 _Pieces falling from me_  
 _You can have them for free_  
 _Now it felt so complete_  
 _Pieces falling from me_

* * *

The song is "Little Pieces" by Gomez.


	3. Wake Up

Welcome back. I feel like I need to apologize for this chapter ? Better writing and happier times to come, I promise x

 _Somethin' filled up_  
 _My heart with nothin',_  
 _Someone told me not to cry._

 _Now that I'm older,_  
 _My heart's colder,_  
 _And I can see that it's a lie._

Quinn was positive that she had never slept so well as she had that night in Rachel's bed. She could tell herself that it was just her exhaustion catching up to her, but deep down she knew that couldn't be the reason she woke up with a smile on her face after a mere 5 hours of sleep.

The bed was empty when she awoke. Just like the morning before, Rachel was already in the shower. Quinn could hear her singing show tunes at the top of her lungs. As Quinn wandered out into the common area she saw that, also like the morning before, Santana greeted her from the kitchen table with a cup of coffee cradled in her hands. She raised her eyebrows when she saw Quinn emerge from behind Rachel's curtain.

"Sleep well?" she teased, implication dripping from her sweet tone.

"Better than you did," Quinn retorted. She nodded her head towards the wild bed head and the bags under her friend's eyes. Santana grinned.

"I guess neither of us can complain then." Both girls laughed as Quinn lowered herself into the nearest chair, pulling one knee up to her chest casually. Santana cleared her throat. "Listen, Q, I know I tease you-"

"-endlessly," Quinn interrupted. "About everything." Santana grit her teeth.

"I know I tease you," she continued forcefully as if nothing had happened. Quinn smirked. "But you know you can talk to me if you need to. I've never brought up the Rachel thing-"

Santana was interrupted again, but this time by the emergence of Kurt. Quinn dropped her foot to the floor and sat up straight in a panicked attempt to seem normal. Santana drowned herself in her coffee mug. Kurt, bleary eyed and bed-tussled, looked around at them obliviously.

"Coffee," he mumbled. Santana pointed to the counter. Kurt quickly crossed the space and pulled a mug from the cabinet before stopping short mid-pour. "Wait. Who made the coffee?"

"I did, Your Highness," Santana answered dryly. Kurt jumped as if the cup he was holding was poisoned and poured the contents back into the pot. Quinn heard him muttering something about picking up Starbucks as he left the room again.

There was no time to return to what promised to be the beginning of a very difficult conversation. Shortly after Kurt made his exit, Rachel emerged from the bathroom and the apartment's morning routine was put into full swing. Everyone hurried around fighting over hot water, hair products, and mirror time. Finally they went their separate ways: Kurt to meet a boy for brunch, Rachel to work, and Santana and Quinn to get something to eat before Quinn left for New Haven.

Quinn was more than disappointed to be returning to school. She liked being in New York, staying in the apartment with her friends, not having to worry about business classes and extracurricular activities. The weekend had been a welcome retreat, but it had also been much too short. Quinn couldn't help feeling another pang of disappointment as Rachel hugged her goodbye that it was Santana who was taking her to the train station and not the tiny diva herself. She would have loved for a few more hours with Rachel, and she hated herself for it.

Santana let the topic go for most of the morning. Though she and Quinn had never been the sort of best friends to talk about anything so serious, Santana was neither blind nor stupid. She knew that Quinn had feelings for Rachel. She'd known since sophomore year of high school when she had started exploring her own sexuality. But now after seeing the two together for the weekend, hearing Quinn crying in the middle of the night and catching her smile as she crept out of Rachel's room, Santana took the initiative.

"Maybe this is none of my business and you can tell me to eff off, but we need to talk about this, Quinn. You need to talk about it before it destroys you," she practically pleaded.

They were sitting at a cramped table in a cafe near the station. At Santana's words, Quinn looked away sharply, observing the crowd with shrewd eyes and pursed lips. Santana waited for a minute, but no response came. She tried again.

"I've been where you are, okay? I know what it does to you. Trust me on this, what you're doing is only hurting yourself."

"I'm not you, Santana, and I'm not gay," Quinn snapped suddenly. There was fire in her eyes, the trademarked HBIC Glare. She looked dangerous, but she also looked desperate. Santana remained calm and spoke softly.

"It's not my place to out anyone, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, or force you into saying anything, or whatever," she said peacefully. "But I see how you look at Rachel and I think I know how you feel, so I want you to know that you can talk to me about it. Or if not me, someone. Anyone. It'll help."

"I'm not gay," Quinn repeated. But even she had to admit that it sounded more like a question than a statement. Santana smiled and reached a comforting hand across the table. Quinn had never seen her be so gentle before.

"Okay, Q. I'm always here if you need me."

The rest of the morning passed by Quinn in a haze. Everything moved in a blur, like the world was sped up and she was stuck in slow motion. Sound echoed in her ears. She was so deeply buried in her own mind she was barely present in reality.

She and Santana said their goodbyes on the platform; generic promises to keep in touch, thank yous, and an uncharacteristic hug. It was after Quinn was settled into her seat on the train and on her way home that she really had time to process.

Her quick denial had truly been just that: denial. Inside she knew that Santana was right. She'd known it for a long time. But to admit it out loud-to actually say that she, Quinn Fabray, was gay and had feelings for Rachel Berry, was entirely different. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried her hardest not to be That Girl crying on the train.

The vibration of her cell phone caused her to nearly jump out of her seat. She grabbed for the phone in her lap and felt her heart flutter into her throat at the sight of the screen. She couldn't stop herself from smiling.

 **Rachel Berry:** _Hi Quinn! I hope you're safely on your way back to Yale and that your trip is going well. I just wanted to thank you for coming this weekend. It was so great to see you and catch up! I hope we can do it again soon!_

It took Quinn twenty full minutes to compose a reply to this text:

 _Rachel, thank YOU! I had a great time and I really appreciate it. The rail pass was definitely worth it :)_

"I'm pathetic," Quinn mumbled to herself after finally hitting 'Send'. She rest her head against the back of her seat and groaned internally.

Quinn had always felt strongly about Rachel. In her petrified youth, she manifested these emotions into hatred. She'd made it her mission to let everyone know how much she disliked the weird girl who sang on MySpace so that no one would suspect the opposite. But really, wasn't all that effort she put into tormenting Rachel on a daily basis just an excuse to talk about her? Everything had always been about Rachel. Even Finn. It always came down to two things: Rachel, and her reputation.

Quinn's train pulled into the station in Connecticut that evening just as it was scheduled to. She wasted no time in collecting her things and exiting the nearly empty train. There was no one to meet her on this end, no one waiting to give her a hug and a warm smile. Sighing, Quinn got a taxi and went back to her dorm, alone.

The second she was safely inside her room she dropped her duffel bag on the floor and pulled out her phone. There was another text from Rachel, a simple smiley face that sent butterflies through her core. Resolved, she dialed a well-known number.

"Santana," she said when the other girl picked up. Quinn's voice broke halfway through the name. "I think I might be gay."

"I know, sweetie," Santana replied. There was an unusual warmth to Santana's voice. Quinn fell onto her bed, crying hard while Santana soothed her trough the phone. Quinn was more thankful than anything that her roommate wasn't home.

Quinn Fabray could not be gay. Quinn Fabray, second lovely daughter of conservative Christians Judy and Russell could not be gay. Quinn Fabray, head Cheerio, top of her class, Ivy League princess, could not be gay. Quinn Fabray, pregnant at 16, member of Glee Club, survivor of car accident, could not be gay. On top of everything else, she could not also be gay.

And yet, Quinn Fabray was gay. She had been all her life and she had known it all her life. She knew when she was 5 and Becky Thompson had kissed her in the sandbox for finding her missing toy. She knew when she first kissed a boy and every time after. She knew when she first met Rachel Berry.

Knowing and accepting are two very different things, Quinn thought as she curled into her bed that night. The XL twin felt cold and hard after the comfort of Rachel's bed. Quinn punched her pillow into shape and turned over, begging God for a few hours of sleep. Santana's words were still echoing in her ears. Knowing and accepting are two very different things, but maybe it was time to start accepting.

 _Children, wake up_  
 _Hold your mistake up,_  
 _Before they turn the summer into dust._

 _If the children don't grow up,_  
 _Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up._  
 _We're just a million little god's causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to rust._  
 _I guess we'll just have to adjust._

Song: "Wake Up" by Arcade Fire


End file.
